honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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