so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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