i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
