The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
