so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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