this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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