It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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