i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
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No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
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I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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