Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
