Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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