And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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