you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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