what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
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It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
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I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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