I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Randomize
