Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
