I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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