I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
