You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Did I show you my penis last night?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
