I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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