Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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