so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
