I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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