If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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