i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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