Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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