K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I've blown a few things in my day
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Randomize
