My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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