When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
my poor anus
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
