he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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