Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
