Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
