She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
These tits shall not be calmed
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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