Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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