i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
