i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
