Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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