Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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