Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
