i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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