So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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