Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
