What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
