I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
