I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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