I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
