I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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