Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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