That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
