One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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