Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
