Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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