After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
