I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
