Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
