You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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