Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
