I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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