I'm really into asian looking animals
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
